Dum Spiro Spero
by klcarr892
Summary: *4x10 spoilers* - Alternate ending. If Lisbon hadn't intervened at the end.


Disclaimer: I still do not own TM, sadly.

Summary: What would have happened if Lisbon hadn't challenged Jane with a drive at the end.

A/N: This fic is brought to you by the song "Buried Beneath" (Red) and my current Jack Reacher (Lee Child) novel who taught me this interesting piece of Latin which is explained eventually.

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><p><span>Dum Spiro Spero<span>

Jane reached for Tamara's arm as he retreated out of the bullpen, keeping his focus on Lisbon the entire way. She confused him, he thought as he read her gaze a final time. Teresa not only showed obvious anger in her stare as he strolled past but also something not so expected. She looked hurt, almost betrayed, defeated. There was nothing he could do about that. He needed to leave and leave he would.

Once they were on the bottom floor, Jane paused at the front door, kissed Tamara on the cheek and told her to wait for him while he retrieved the car. Finding the pathetic-looking sad excuse for an automobile, he opened up the door and sat down behind the wheel. In his mind, Jane filed away a reminder to look for an upgraded set of wheels at the next possible opportunity. He sighed, finally free of that place. He was starting to get claustrophobic around those people. It was irksome the way they knew him and yet he couldn't remember them at all; Not to mention, their continued need to walk on eggshells around him.

Then there was Teresa. She was different. He could tell she wanted to tell him the truth. It was practically about to explode out of the woman yet she held it in. He guessed the doctors had told her to let him remember on his own terms. Meh, doctors don't know everything. Jane didn't really want to know the truth. He came to this conclusion when the only person to visit him in the hospital was Teresa, his boss. No one else. No family, no friends. If that was just a glimpse of his old life, he wanted nothing to do with it.

Still, that look on her face as he walked away wouldn't leave his mind. Jane glanced down at his hand, at his favorite 'female lure'. He twisted it around his finger out of habit. Why had Teresa asked about that? Surly someone who knew him as well as she claimed to would understand his oldest trick. Curious, Jane pulled the metal off his finger and eyed it like a puzzle. It shown in the sunlight, worn by years of use. Staring at it closely, Jane was surprised to catch a glimpse of something inscribed on the inside of the ring. He brought it closer to inspect the writing. _**U & Me Always, A **_It read.

An unidentifiable memory flashed through Jane's mind. He was sitting somewhere high up, on the top of a ferris wheel he realized. To his surprise, on Jane's left, sat a beautiful young blonde woman with the bluest sky-blue eyes he had ever seen. She smiled at him.

"_Isn't this the most beautiful view Patty? I mean it never gets old does it?" Her eyes were wide with excitement._

_Jane took in his surroundings. Below his feet he could see the whole carnival, bright and inviting like a beacon of light in the dark, luring people in. Beyond the lights was a large expanse of land, as far as the eye could see and stars, millions of them._

"_It is nice." He finally agreed._

"_Not just nice Patty, come on." She swung one arm around his shoulders and then rested her head on his left one._

"_Someday we're going to leave all this." Jane said suddenly._

_The blonde sighed. "You say that all the time Pat, yet here we still are."_

_He hadn't meant to upset her so he tried something else. Loerwing his voice Jane bellowed: "One day, this will all be yours."_

_It worked, the blonde giggled. "Oh yeah Mufasa?"_

"_Everything the bright carnie lights touch." Jane shifted so that he could wrap his own arm around his companion's shoulder, so they could sit arm and arm on the top of the ferris wheel. Jane realized two things at that moment. First, he realized that he liked this woman sitting next to him. Second, for the first time in Jane's life, his thoughts were completely selfless. He realized that at that moment, he would do anything for her._

"_I wish I could give you more." Jane said, completely honest._

"_I don't need anything Patty. Just promise me we'll always have this." She brought her other arm around front in an embrace._

"_Have what?" Jane asked, a little confused._

"_This, you and me. Our special place under the stars." She said, squeezing him tight._

"_You and me always," Jane said resting his head on top of hers as the ferris wheel began its slow descent._

The next flash was similar, except the woman was older. Jane was now sure her name was Angela, Annie, he called her. They were again, on top of a ferris wheel but this time they were in a city. The bright lights from the buildings framed the skyline. Jane looked down at the woman relaxing comfortably in his arms and was a bit surprised to find that she was very, very pregnant.

"_We made it Patty, you and me." She said, thinking out loud._

"_You and me always." Jane replied._

"_Well, for another few weeks at least." She chuckled happily. "Do you remember when you promised me the world Patty?"_

"_I don't think it was the whole world." Jane argued. "But that reference does work as well," he said and then proceeded to belt the chorus line of_ _'A Whole New World'._

_Angela erupted with laughter at Jane's antics. By the time the ferris wheel started it's slow rotation, they were both in tears from laughing to hard. It was a few minutes before they had controlled their breathing enough to speak._

"_I think we've done pretty well for ourselves." Angela finally said._

"_Not bad at all." Jane agreed. "Jobs, a house, kid on the way." He poked her tummy for emphasis._

"_No regrets?" She asked._

"_Nope," Jane answered quickly. "Got everything I could possibly need right here."_

Jane just stared at the ring, in both shock and in horror. He couldn't believe what he was just about to do with 'pretty miss red dress.' The thought sickened him. He needed to escape, now. Jane moved to put his car in reverse when there was a knock on the window. Too late. Jane sighed, unsure as to what his next move was going to be. He looked over, expecting to find Tamara standing there annoyed at him, but was surprised to see Teresa, looking in at him, concerned.

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><p>To say Lisbon was shocked to see the sleazy woman in the red dress reenter the bullpen ten minutes after she had left practically hanging off of Jane's arm would be an understatement. Her shock turned to worry when Lisbon realized Jane had not followed the woman back into the building.<p>

"Can we help you?" Lisbon asked curiously.

"Patrick was supposed to meet me out front with his car but he never showed up."

Lisbon turned to Rigsby. "Rigsby, will you keep…"

"Tamara." The woman supplied.

"Right, sorry, Tamara. Would you keep her company while I go check on Jane?"

Rigsby grinned. "Sure, no problem boss."

Lisbon hurried out of the office and took the elevator to the lower level. She then walked outside and into the car lot where Jane's car was parked in the same spot it always was. He hadn't moved. She walked up to the passenger window and knocked. Jane was in the process of shifting the car out of gear and startled at the noise. One glance at Jane's face and Lisbon knew. He was remembering.

She opened the passenger door and leaned in.

"Jane, give me the keys."

Lisbon watched him ponder a moment, before placing the keys in Lisbon's palm. _So, not all there yet._ Lisbon thought since the Jane she knew would never hand over his keys.

As if anticipating her next move, Jane got out of the driver's seat and swapped with Lisbon who got behind the wheel and started the engine.

"Where are we going?" He asked, softly.

"A drive." Lisbon said. She wasn't about to say anything else.

"So," Lisbon began hesitantly. "What did you remember."

Jane lifted the gold band to eye level. "I don't normally take this off do I?" It was more a statement than a question.

Lisbon shook her head. "No. At least since I've known you which has been a while."

"There's an inscription inside. Angela. I'm assuming that's my…"

"Wife, yes." Lisbon finished.

"And we had a child too I think."

"Charlotte, your daughter." Lisbon confirmed.

"I, I know something bad happened. The way you're all walking on eggshells and Mr. Cho said something when we were in the burnt-out house. Then, you all but confirmed my suspicions back at the hospital."

Lisbon didn't know what to say. His memories were obviously returning if a bit slowly in her opinion but she figured she should just let them come as they may. She periodically glanced over at Jane during the remainder of the drive as he stared out the window, facing away from her as much as possible in the confined car. Occasionally, Lisbon would notice a twitch in Jane's shoulders or a shiver run through him. She wondered what he was remembering, if anything. She hoped there were some happy memories mixed in there too, even though Jane already suspected that his story turned tragic at some point.

When Lisbon finally spotted their destination, she pulled over to the curb and turned off the ignition.

"I can't go in there Teresa."

Lisbon sat patiently. She made no move to get out but she also didn't restart the car either.

"I don't…" He took a deep breath. "I have no right. I, I knew there was something and I still used them, used their memory to what, steal myself a little cash?" Jane raked his hand nervously through his hair and slowly faced forwards.

Lisbon caught a glimpse of Jane's red-rimmed eyes.

"And then, Tamera." Jane exhaled and looked at Lisbon, eyes wide as the actions of the past couple of days played through his memory. "Teresa, who am I and what have I done?"

Lisbon fixed her gaze on Jane, determined that he clearly understand what she had to say next. "Jane, the last couple of days were not you. Someone tried to kill you for crying out loud, almost succeeded. It messed with your mind. That is exactly why you have to go in there. You have to remember, for yourself, for them."

Jane's eyes narrowed in a silent question, a plea which Lisbon understood automatically.

"Well go in together. You and me. I won't leave unless you ask me to, ok?"

Jane hesitated and then nodded. Lisbon took the keys and climbed out of the vehicle. Slowly, Jane climbed out on the other side. They met at the foot of the car. Jane paused, moved his arm slightly. Lisbon again had to remind herself that this was still an unfamiliar and unpredictable Jane. She understood the slight gesture and grasped his left hand in her right. Together, they walked through the iron gate.

It was a slow, five minute stroll in the sunshine before they reached the right spot. They paused a couple of yards away but close enough that it was still in plain view. Lisbon guided Jane to a grassy patch of lawn and they sat, both with their legs stretched out in front of them.

Lisbon watched her friend closely. The sight before them essentially confirmed Jane's greatest fears and it was now up to his mind to fill in the rest. It was a question of time but Lisbon didn't have to wait long before Jane uttered the words she was both dreading and relieved to finally have out in the open.

"Red John." Jane simply said.

Lisbon nodded.

Lisbon swore she could see the memories come flooding back in waves. The dam had been broken. It was as if Jane's mind had given up, had stopped hiding things from him once the one memory it was trying to keep hidden was exposed. Like a game of battleship, the hidden opponent had been located and she was watching as the torpedoes struck their target, one after another. With each memory, the sparkle in Jane's eyes that had appeared in the hospital as he had first awoken, slowly began to fade. The laugh lines relaxed back into their forgotten, unused positions. The damage being done was obvious and overwhelming for Lisbon. She could only hope this particular battleship stayed afloat. There had been way too much sinking going on lately.

Lisbon placed her left hand lightly on Jane's knee. He flinched slightly but didn't move away. The slight contact was surprisingly relieving. Warm flesh against warm flesh. Lisbon swallowed the lump that had made its way to the top of her throat.

"For a few moments there, I was sure I would be making the trip out here for an entirely different reason." Lisbon hadn't realized that she had voiced her thoughts until Jane looked at her. He understood and responded by placing his hand on top of hers, just above his knee and entwined their fingers. He then squeezed her hand gently but remained silent.

"I uh, I guess I was just worried that you wouldn't fight, that you'd give up." Lisbon's voice hitched as she tried to keep control of her emotions. "Then you were breathing, but I had lost you anyway." A single tear escaped the strong barrier and she quickly brushed it away, hoping Jane didn't notice.

"Dum spiro spero." Jane finally said, quietly.

"Where there's breath, there's hope." Lisbon translated.

Jane gave another gentle squeeze and looked Lisbon in the eye. He noted they were still brimming with emotion. Such a strong woman, he concluded. "How could I ever forget you Lisbon?" He asked.

She smiled for the first time since arriving. "Lisbon. You called me Lisbon."

"So I did." Jane said, not understanding the significance.

"Dum spiro spero." Lisbon repeated again. "I think it's all coming back Jane." She said as she slowly moved to stand. She brushed off her pants and then held out her arm to help Jane stand as well.

"I think you're probably right my dear. If I recall correctly, you usually are."

Lisbon smirked at that. "What do you say we help those memories along a little?"

"I'm game for pretty much anything. Well anything other than swimming, boat rides, or bodies of water in general. I'm thinking I may avoid those for a while."

That didn't bother Lisbon in the least. "No, I was thinking along the lines of some tea. You like tea, you know, and there's a particular way to make it." She started walking towards the now setting sun and Jane followed closely behind.

"Oh yeah?" he asked curiously.

"Yeap, and I've learned from the best."

Things were looking hopeful already.

The End.

So what did you think?


End file.
